Choices

"Happiness is a choice". I read that on a church billboard this afternoon. Simple yet powerful. I should hold onto that a more often. i have changed in the last 4 years. i am more emotional than ever. meaning that i just can't fake it like i used to. and almost i can only take so much. gone are the days of holding everything in and trying to be emotionless. my eyes shoot daggers and so does my mouth sometimes. now i do feel ashamed and relieved at the same time. but i also feel the stress run through my veins as well. now things dont linger too long, but the amount of energy spent is still very much a problem.

maybe its a part of getting older that i cannot fight. maybe i am in the beginning phases of getting crotchety like my mom says.

Forehead Titaes

and i thought i was foolish

Love and Loathe

Love
1. the new longer days, a precursor to the night breeze of long summer nights
2. the new condo, i have wasted far too much time looking at plaster and tiles, with a punchdrunk smile on my face
3. the serenity and better sense of self worth, lol, i guess the "American Dream" is real. and i am not talking about Dusty Rhodes.
4. spring is around the corner
5. at times feeling like it all makes sense, well this is only one step of many (validation)
6. actually having something to talk about with those who with whom i have little in common

Loathe
1. the job is still a bitch
2. the longer commute
3. that i am hemorrhaging money, and have so many things to buy to get this place look like a home
4. the solitude, living on the other side of town now, there are almost no drop-in guests which further increases the "in-balance" of my life
5. that my favorite free porn site consortium now makes me register every 48 hours to look at their FREE porn. the catch is they send a password to my phone, which will cost me $9.99 per month as a premium text message. if you know me, i really hate paying my cell phone bill. i am that tacky person who will wait until days before my disconnection to pay this bill in particular. so anything that increases my bill is met with a lot of resistance.
6.

It Ain't What You Do, Its How You Do It

You are the reason, niggas be screaming bitches, hoes and tricks
Bahamadia
"True Honey Buns" 1996

Tighten up your shit. In the last year and a half you have progressively fallen deeper into ill repute and now your dumb ass is knocked up. Now, for a woman who was recently divorced, one would assume that you could handle yourself just a little better. You try to gas me with lies, then you start sleeping with my friend, whom you met through me. Now you are 4 months pregnant but you post club pics on a regular basis. I don't care if you are not showing, you should have kept you ass at home during CIAA. Have more respect for yourself. Maybe I said that too soon. I left out that you kept the door open for my man to hit again while you are pregnant.

FYI the friend in question is not the "baby daddy"

I remember a comedian said "your woman is your woman, but Hoes are for everybody"

You are real damn shameful.

Salute to NC's Finest II

John Coltrane

Thelonius Monk


I really wanted to put Dizzy Gillespie on this one, but he is from right across the border in Cheraw, SC

I dedicate this to all the memories I cannot shake

I must be getting old. Old faces, times and faces keep running past me. And everything nostalgic leaves me by the moment. but sometimes i close my eyes and wish for one more try

My fingers got a little dusty today

i promised myself to buy a new record player once i moved. well, i just moved and honored my promise. so it was only fitting that i did some light crate diggin. nothing major just a little more soul in the collection

Quentin Street Memories

So i just bought a townhome. I am still not settled in but i am working on it. So i traded in the westside for the eastside. its not quite a deluxe apartment in the sky but its all mine and i love it. but it is still a little bittersweet leaving my home for 2.5 years. the westside has a bad reputation, which i deserved in many respects but its big on character and characters.

i saw a group of brothas on horseback jaywalk and stop traffic both ways at 4pm during the week. and one of the guys was bold enough to talk shit with an unlit cigarette flapping between his lips with each syllable, looking like one of those loiterers outside the pool hall somewhere

i lived on a small street, there were only 4 houses on my side. of the five, my house was the only one that was crack or crackhead free. old grown rusty crackheads at that. now they did not cause trouble, other than illegally squatting in the house two doors down. and the fight between brother and sister in the front yard over some paltry amount of crack or money. i almost forgot about the lady banging onb the door one morning yelling for him to put the crackpipe down and open. i never found out why, but i can guess.

i saw a kid get knocked out MMA style at the bus stop, just two weeks ago. while stopped at the light, one kid jumped out a car and in a flurry of punches and a quick scoop, i saw feet fly in the air, then a little ground and pound. the aggressor jumped in the car and sped off. the attacked laying limp on the ground was out for maybe a whole 60 count. his friends who offered no help when he was getting attacked helped him up then supported him since his legs were jelly.

while getting take out for the Jamaican spot, we, my brother and I, saw a dude swipe a 24 pack of beer from the convenience store. he gets to the car and the getaway driver is 10 ft away talking to someone over a cigarette. before the driver can get to the car, the owner puts a gun to his head as he sits in the passenger seat and returns to work with this merchandise in tow.

i will surely miss those fine tellers and at BofA on Beaties Ford. They made me smile as I counted the pennies in my bank account every time I came past

i will miss that mean indian women at the local Subway. she was treacherous to everyone, employees and customers. one day, she this chick had words for her. She said one day somebody is going to shut up that mouth of yours. She left. i ordered. On my way back that same lady returned. I went to the car and both of them were alone. I did not turn around as i went to the car, it was not my business.

i will miss the cold winters and hot summers. good lawd, the temperature control in the house was non-existent. every room would vary in temp. by 8 degrees or so. i would sleep in different rooms according to seasons. my room was for fall, spring and summer since i upgraded those AC units, but the winters i slept in the living room or in the back rooms. it was brutal. how can you spend $150 a month in natural gas and still be cold.

i will ms Ms Barbara who was the block's CNN, nothing went down without passing through her ears