Repressed Thoughts

A few things have been on my mind for a while. i wanted to compile them into individual blogs, but i didn't have the time nor the patience.

so i was out with friends for a birthday outing, mostly women, black, professional women. so needless to say, relationships became a topic. so i was forced to tell the unadulterated truth. i cant hold back to my sistas, but i failed at sugarcoating some time ago. so the conversation meandered about professional women and their woes at finding good men and/or men living up to their expectations. and of course all of these women are attractive with good jobs and great outlooks toward the future. yes, you already know where the convo goes. and what is evident is that women do not know about men, especially smart, professional, biological clock driven women.

1. black women, especially Southern black women have this fixation with religion. and a religious man is either top three on the list. ok, i will not disputes the merit of religion in life and/or relationships. a man is judged by his actions. lets face it, you require that your man do things, make things happen. and for a good man, that is our focus. we have to produce, to hold onto you. as women, you want things that we are to provide, finances, romance, support. we fix things, move things, come up with ideas and solutions. letting go and letting God, just isn't in our nature. you may want us to, but that's not enough, not saying that prayer or one's spirituality does not help the situation, but its quantifiable actions. therefore, you can't judge a mans spirituality the same way you do yours. its different, treat it as such.

2. men look for women, who "fit" into our plan. i, we, need someone who can roll with our punches. who will treat us like the king, we see ourselves as. if you are the professional jet setter, it takes a man of a certain caliber to be your king. now there are many good men out here but as you attain more status and income, your expectation directly increase. so if that trend persists, you are actually shrinking your pool of viable candidates by the second. that's the ugly truth. i do not know the solution. i wouldn't want you to lower your expectations.

3. get off the bullshit. in an infamous convo, it was uttered that a 5'9" not desirable to a certain single lady in her thirties who is only 5'2." and since she is single, i told her in the gentlest way you may have to come off that bs. it was uttered that, "i might have to lower my standards." wow!!! dating a man who is under six foot is the newest form of lowering standards. ladies get real and go after something real. the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, i hope you learn and react on that before its too late.

4. i kicked it with this chick for a while ending in January. i ran into her over the summer at a cookout. she pursued one of my best friends and they "kicked" it a few times. now my friend clued me in from the beginning. but i am still a little aghast about how she pursued him. i just expected a little more decency. then she had the nerve to text me with the proverbial was thinking about you......thats what i get for messing with a woman of ill repute

5. men and women are far from equal. we are very much different. we have different roles, different ways of doing things and different strengths. thinking that we are sounds nice and politically correct, but life ain't politically correct. when she gets pregnant and you are walking her little rat dog in the cold and rain late at night, you will know there is a distinct difference

6. i am in a relationship. its a lot of work. it tests you in unimaginable ways. maybe i was single for so much of my twenties because i couldn't handle it when i was younger. maybe i had to mature on my own so i could be where i am now

7. now that i am in a relationship, the urge to flirt is so much stronger. i really have to hold back. its strange how it works

8. i am tired of complaining. i need results

9. my hairline is slowly receding. my bank account has receded much faster. and a bald head is more work than a damn haircut

The Original Milf

before i even was totally aware of my own senses, i had a gut reaction to Mrs. Huxtable. Classy, smart, beautiful, but there was something else i couldnt quite put my finger on way back then. its the flirty looks and snide comments that are so damn sexy.

but before she was THE milf of our young lives, she was just damn sexy

Its that time of year

its that time of year, thanksgiving kicks off the christmas season. while i enjoy all the festivity, this season has its drawbacks. its the relatives you have to deal with. I love my family yet cant spent the holidays with them. going up to Zebulon, PG county, or Delawarre with the family especially my brother brings back many good memories. plus my brother and i take mental notes on everybody that we cant compare to the end of the night. from mothballs to Uncle Slickback, our late night convos in Uncle D's basement are definitelyo out of control.

so to all put on your tough skin, suck it up and make the most of it. at the least, some smiles, laughs, hugs and some good food make it all worth it.

and of course, BANG, BANG, BANG

Jason's Deli

I was sitting at Jason's Deli and they played this song. I guess there is more soul at Jason's Deli than I would have ever known.

Salute to NC's Finest

Foxy Brown is one of our very own. She is from Winston-Salem. And i thought that Winston-Salem only produced Winston's, Salem's and thuggery. I am proud to be a Tar Heel

Say it ain't so Sammy

I have come full circle with Sammy Sosa. Not quite full circle more like the end of the road. In 2001, I went to the Dominican Republic to study Spanish. My father bankrolled a summer immersion for me. He gave me the money and a date by which i had to submit my plan. After doing much research, I settled on the Dominican Republic because of three people: Vladimir Guerrero then a Montreal Expo, Sammy Sosa of the Chicago Cubs and Carlos Delgado of the Toronto Blue Jays(who is actually Puerto Rican). It fascinated me that blacks were of Latin descent, hmmm maybe i should word that differently. Better yet, blacks but Latin in culture, that's how i really see it. to see someone like your self who speaks only Spanish, in Guererro's case, was mind boggling. In the Western Hemisphere, I hadn't been exposed (consciously) to that and it sparked endless curiosity for me. So i focused on going to the DR to get closer to it. It was one of the best decisions of my life. Besides learning Spanish, it enriched culturally. I felt like I belonged, like a long lost cousin. I blended in, until I opened my mouth.

But being there, I saw that it was definitely different being black in Latin America. Athletes and entertainers were almost exclusively the only blacks, I saw on TV. Even darker skinned Dominicans were few and far between on the big screen. An outsider would think that all Dominicans were either pure blood Castillian or possibly a little mix of Spanish and the native islanders. this did not reflect of the vast spectrum of hues I saw everyday.

I was also fascinated by hair textures and whom they belonged to. it was almost as interesting as the array of skin colors. I saw the straightest hair on some of the darkest people, mail and female. and when i say straight, I don't mean a good perm, I mean almost "natural yaki" type hair that one usually does not expect from someone darker than a brown paper bag.

and as i spoke to people, there was more of a singular national identity that unified all of the colors. whereas they were teaching me that i was American( i guess i always knew that but hadn't fully realized it in my then 22 yrs of life). since i always considered myself black before American. Skin color is an obviously more divisive element in our culture compared to theirs. It divides us fundamentally in the US, not quite as much there.

then i looked at couples. rarely did i see two people of the same complexion, unless they were both of a lighter complexion. Now in some convos i was hipped to the racism that existed. i heard about the historical tension between Haitians and Dominicans, which in many way fuels the racism and colorism that exists today. In the 1800s, Haitains conquered and ruled the DR for over 20 years. Their independence day February 27, marks the independance from Haiti, not Spain. Since then being "black" is akin to being Haitian, which is not welcome at all. The irony is that Dominicans have their own history with slavery. so there are "native" blacks to the country.

Being black in the US is one thing. Being black and/or poor outside of the US, means that 95% of the time you will remain poor for generations. Higher education is for the higher classes, and the opportunities to ascend within social ranks like in the US maybe unprecedented throughout the world. With that revelation I felt that the "black burden" was larger and more stifling than our own.

So to my dismay, I saw both TCB (not the sheen, but the perming products in a large tub)and skin bleaching products on the same aisle. I never caught the eye of any darker skinned Dominican ladies, although they impressed me the most and learned that being dark with a dark skinned black man maybe socially undesirable to them. That really hurt. I do admit.

so when I see Sammy Sosa, it all comes back to me. Despite all the travesty that we endure here, things are much more progressive race wise. Elsewhere, the progressiveness is not there. We have the NAACP and Jessie and Permed out Al to fight for us on a grand stage. Even if you don't like them, they do maintain a presence for us that keeps some people in check. Even if we get "tokened," we get something. without any of that consciousness, a multi-millionaire black man in desperately poor nation may still not feel vindicated. he may bleach himself white, especially after he has been disgraced in the US by lying about his steroid use. Sosa was a national hero in his homeland. Those home runs, were not just stats and he was not just a player. He is/was the DR's most famous person and prime representative. Maybe being black and Dominican, Sammy feels like he doesn't get a second chance. When you aren't comfortable at home, then you are not comfortable. I feel very sad for him and any other diasporic black people who feel ashamed of their blackness.

maybe it was Soul Train, the Cosby Show, Different World, Shaft, Foxy Brown, Black History Month, or many of the countless images that make me proud of myself, people, color, features and heritage. Unfortunately, they many not have those images in bulk numbers like we do to spurn that same type pride.

i also read about the issue of "bad hair" in Latin America, maybe that will be part II.

Say it ain't so Sammy........I hope you find your "swagger" again. I hate the overuse of that word (swagger) but i am sure you know what i mean.

and if you had a Jheri curl in 1991, how can you go white in 2009. seriously, he had a mini Easy E with the White Sox/Rangers.

A Step for Mankind

One down, many more to go (sinister laugh)