throwing in the towel

thats me in the white trunks with yellow trim, getting knocked out. again and again. but in my case i am not lucky enough to have a referee, trainer, cutman, state appointed dr, or gaming commission to throw in the towel for me. i have to do it myself. but i dont want to end up like apollo creed in rocky iv. not a good look.

instead of foreman's punishing blows, her weapon of choice is the tight vice of the silent treatment. nothing attacks my ego and pride more than silence and an occassional misdirection. when my pride gets away from me, i clench down upon an idea like a hyenna at a feeding frenzy. and thats exactly what i have been doing for the last two years. holding out hope.

the non-returned calls, the false hopes, the wasted daydreams, being stood up multiple times, each sting like those powerful foreman blows. and like frazier, each time i got up and keep coming in for more. hoping that with the right opportunity i could will my way into victory.

but i could not get over the disgenuiness. all you had to do was open your mouth. i thought we had opened up the communications lines to make our future better than our past.

i have been backed up on the ropes for sometime now. hands high trying to avoid another temple shot. ribs sore, eye puffy, nothing but pride has kept me up this long. taking anymore blows is just not worth it anymore. no mas, no mas......